Hello.

Its been forever since I last wrote on my blog. Ummm not a whole lot has happened. 

I just wanted to say that I am disappointed in people. People now days have no compassion or sympathy for people and what they value. I see in school people getting teased and made fun of because of what they love and value. And the sad part is is that they dont stick up for themselves and just "go with it." You should never had to bend down to someone else level just to seem cool or to fit in. Because I know that if you stay strong and stick up for yourself more people will respect you and will look up to you. I am guilty of all of those things. Making fun of what people value and not sticking up for myself. I think thats what pushed me over the edge many times where I didnt feel loved or wanted. Because I wasnt good enough for people. I always felt that if I did stick up for myself I wouldnt fit in because I am different. I hope and pray that whoever is reading this will know that you matter and no matter what people tell you someone anyone cares about you. You are never alone. 

I have felt this way many times and I would never want anyone to feel this way. I talked to a good friend and it hurt me to see that people were mean and disrespectful of her values and feelings. It broke my heart to know that she gave up on people and herself. Just because you think your cool and all that doesnt mean its okay to break someone and pick them apart to a point where there is nothing left for people like me to repair. Im sure that if someone did that to those people then they would not want it to be done to them and I dont know what it is that makes them think its okay but it should never cross someones mind that that is okay. 

And I am sure people are disappointed in me and if you are feel free to tell me what I am doing wrong or what I can do better at because I want to be a better person. But at least I strive to make changes and to be aware of peoples feelings. So if I do something that offends you and makes you feel disrespected tell me. Because I respect you and I want people to know that. And I know that we arent all perfect I am fully aware of that but we should try to make changes and try to be better for ourselves and others. Because everyone deserves to be treated like a prince and princess. 

Goodbye

Dearest best friend 

I love you so much. You mean absolutely everything to me. Not only are you my boyfriend but you are my best friend. I will miss you dearly but that doesnt mean we have to stop making adventures and memories together. When two hearts are meant for each other no distance is too far, no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart. I love you with all my heart. 

We have been through a lot this year and only you and I know that but I wouldnt change it for the world. I think it was better this way and I would do it again if that meant getting you again. I am sad that our time as friends was long and our love was short but we have an eternity to make it stronger. 

Thank you for letting me be apart of my life. Sharing your family and a year of your life with me. I would not be here if it werent for you. You keep my engine going and my spirit. I can not in words tell you how much you mean to me. It is out of this world or universe. I love you more then I love life because life is not life without you. I owe so much to you. 

I want you do make me a promise. can you do that? I want you to make new friends make memories. Cherish every moment with them. Date other girls. I am not saying you have to like them but I want you to get to know them. I know that you dont like that but please do it for me. I am always loyal to you but I would like it if you did that for me. 

I miss you like crazy. This is just another speed bump that we can get over together. As I walked through my door and the thought crossed my mind. This is really happening. I knew it was over the time while I was helping you pack but I had a hard time accepting that it was really happening. It breaks my heart to know that you are 379 miles away and it takes me 5 hrs and 18 minutes to get there. I broke down as you left knowing that it was my last time seeing you for awhile. I always thought in my head what if it is just a nightmare or a joke. But it is so terribly real. 

I am so glad that I got to know you, Greg, Tony, Shane, Kelea, Gabby, Hayden and Roberto. You guys are all I have. I love you so very much Elijah Sevin Jardine. 

My dear friend Jessie Carter is such a sweet heart. I love her so much and she is always there for me. She has my back and sticks with me to the end. I love you so much. You are my dance buddy and you are my inspiration. I love going places with you to help me get my mind off of thing. 

Friends are so amazing and if we didnt have them where would we be?? I know I wouldnt be able to do half of the things that I am doing right now. I might not be able to enjoy the amazing adventures with them. I want to be an amazing friend as well. I hope I havent failed you guys. Love you all!! 

Honestly I think I have the best mom ever. I love her so much and she is my best friend and biggest support. Thank you for taking me into your family. I dont know what I would do with out you. <3 I love spending time with her and talking about life. She always has the best advice for me and is looking out for me in my stressful times. thank you for making me laugh and embarrassing me. I hope to make more memories with you and enjoy many things together. Love you so much!! 

learning to love my life had been one of the hardest things for me to do. But I did it. I love my life and would never wish to trade it with anyone else. No only do I not want to wish someone to have my life but I am a stronger person because of the trials I have faced. I love all of my friends and most of all my family. I dont know where I would be without out all of my supports. Thank you to all those who have touched my life in ways that I could never imagine. I love you guys. 

Mom and Dad: I dont think I tell you enough how much I love You. I dont know what I would do without you. I cant say this enough. Life would not be complete without you guys. You give me so much and love me when I am a pain. I have put you guys through a lot and I am sorry but I feel that it has helped our relationship as family and best friends. You have provided for me and for that I am eternally grateful. Thank you so much. Muah.

Thank you to whoever got me this wonderful flower and a heart felt note. Valentines day is already hard as it is not having someone to shared it with beside my family but this just made me feel so loved. The boy that handed me them I do not know but he was so sweet. He got on his knee and said "My friends really likes you and thinks your beautiful and I can see why because you are gorgeous." Awe I melted. I dont know who you are but thank you so much.

What would we do without friends?! I know that I would do nothing without this beautiful girl. I love shopping with her, eating pretzels, watching Twilight, curling hair, drawing on your face with eyeliner, and therapy. I love you with all my heart and soul( if I had one) I treasure our friendship more than anything. I know that we hated each other for three years but hey I would go through that again to get you back.  

Excuse my Asian eyes. Elijah what would I do without you. Thank you for always being supportive and loving of me. Im so happy that you and I got to become better friend this year. I dont think that I would still be alive if it weren't for you and Baylee. I will always remember the great times with you. We need to make more though. :) I love you so much! 

Hayden: You are so amazing! you always have the best advice especially on boys. you are so much fun to be with and I hope that we can hangout more and make more memories. Even when you make racist Asian I always laugh and that makes my day. I love you. 

Shane: Thank you for telling me that you were happy I wasnt dead. I am too. I dont know what I would do without your sarcasm and jokes. Just seeing you everyday makes my day so much better. I love you so much and you are a great friend.  

I made dinner tonight and had fun with my mom. 

Lemon Fettuccine

Caesar salad

French bread

Bananas

Lemonade

I really like making food especially when it is with my mom. She is so amazing and I really look up to her. I hope to be a wonderful mother like her. She has taught me so much. Love you mommy!  

As some of you know I went to the Health Care Hospital at U of U. I went there because I hit a really low time in my life and I attempted suicide by over dosing. I met so many amazing people that became my best friends who have helped me get through my treatment. I miss all of them and wish that I could tell each and everyone of them how much they mean to me. Same goes for all of my friends at school. You guys have been a big support to me. I love all of you and hope to make many other memories with you. 

Baylee: I love you so much and you have been the best friend ever. I don't know what I would do without you. You have shown me what true friendship is. We have had a rough time but we got through it and this is the reward. You have always been with me through my hardest times and I don't know what I would of done without of you words of advice and hope. 

Elijah: Thank you so much! You have pushed me to get through this. You are an amazing best friend(guy best friend). I love you so much and I don't know what I would do without your words of advice. You have pushed me to be the best me and not to let others get me down. You told me that one person shouldn't get the best of me and beat me up emotionally. You are such a big support.

Dearest family members, I love all of you so much and don't know what I would do without your support and love. I hope all of you know that life would not be complete without you guys. I have so much fun at reunions with you and playing games. You mean the world to me and I cherish every moment with you all. 

Mom and Dad: I love you guys so much! You guys are my best friends and I dont think life would be complete without you guys. You have given me amazing opportunities and I am so grateful. You guys are my cheerleaders and my support team. I am so happy that I could be apart of this wonderful family. Life has thrown us a lot of hard curves but with love and words of advice we can get through this. Life would be so different without you guys. You have been so amazing to me I dont think that I would be in a better place if it werent for your amazing act of kindness and love. I am truly grateful. Love you so much.  

I honestly think I have some of the best friends in the world. I love you guys! You make me happy. 

I had such a great time with these KIDS yesterday. we eat McDonald's and watched insidious 2. Only Baylee was watching though.